Play On

"In every game and con there's always an opponent, and there's always a victim. The trick is to know when you're the latter, so you can become the former." - Revolver

Once again it was Perka and myself sitting face to face with the principal in his office. Only this time it was a game that was being played by one of our colleagues and he tried to make us the pawns. All of yous who know about this need not be told the names of the people involved and those who don't, well you didn't need to know anyways. Sitting inside the office with us was the supposed 'victim' in the whole charade which started a couple of days back. Although, the mutual dislike had existed since first year, it was just that this time things had taken a real ugly turn.

This was probably 2nd semester in the 3rd year. One fine evening Perka and I were sitting around the hostel and the man with the plan approached us. He had an offer. He knew we didn't like the piece of shit and would be more than willing to jump at any opportunity that came along. But, he wanted us to beat the shit out of him! Did we look like Jules and Vincent Vega? I thought I had seen too much of Pulp Fiction. We obviously turned him down. He then went on to make an offer we couldn't refuse. The plan was that because he was roommates with the 'victim' he had the key to the room. When the shit wasn't around, he would let us in and we could go around doing anything we wanted with the guy's things. Not bad, we thought to ourselves.

The next evening when the population in the hostel was scarce, Perka, Doc and myself went into the room. I believe short of burning up everything, we did pretty much everything that could be done. Shearing his clothes, putting water in the PC, laying the cupboard upside down and basically trashing everything that came into our hands. Don't know which fool left us the scissors to find! Happy with the results we jumped out the window and went drinking.

And cut to the Principal's office the next day. For the first 20 minutes or so Perka and I just kept listening to the principal and the piece of shit talk and try and blame us. We did that on purpose, because we knew that there was no way in hell that the guy had known that we were involved unless, the man with the plan had told him. What transpired in those 20 minutes helped unfold the whole plan that the man had tried to hatch. After we had trashed the room, the bastard tried to be the good Samaritan and went to the roommate to give him a shoulder to cry on and also lead him to believe that Perka and I were out to get him and the trashing was just the beginning of the hell that we were planning to unleash. Fucking hell! can u believe that?! Post the 20 minutes when we were asked for an explanation, without looking at each other, we knew exactly what we had to say. We first told the principal as to how the man with the plan had approached us and wanted us to beat the shit up because he had problems with him and was too chicken to handle him on his own. Then both of us looked squarely into the shit's eyes and said we have just 2 questions to ask you. He looked at the principal and then asked us to go ahead. We first asked him, "Fine we haven't really gotten along all through college but, have we ever harmed you in any way?" His answer was a prompt No. "Then have we ever in all these years, threatened to do anything to you whether directly or indirectly" And again his answer was an emphatic No. We didn't have to say another word because when we looked at the principal next, he was smiling and asked us both to leave and send the man with the plan into the office because things needed to be settled with him and not with us. He knew we were guilty as hell but he also knew that we had come out looking like the innocent ones being framed and he couldn't touch us because of that. The victim himself had cleared us!

Perka and I obviously lost any of the respect that we had for the guy but more than that we had only one thought. How could anyone ever conceive of anything like this with us as the pawns? How could anyone think of playing the players?

How's life?

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty piece, but rather to slide in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW---What a Ride !" - Unknown

I have often wondered about the most appropriate answer for this question! I feel really strange when people ask me, "how's life?" and it happens more often than not. How do you answer that question? When you look at the present, one tends to look at fragments of life in the form of situations around you. It is quite hard to see an amalgamation of situations and construct a concrete entity that can be defined as good or bad. Every situation or issue at that point in life is either positive, negative or a combination of both. To put all the positives and negatives together and be able to say that overall my life is either positive or negative, on the whole, is nearly impossible to do (unless of course you are doing nothing but seeking nirvana at the foot of a tree or mountain!.

"How's life been?" - now that makes a little more sense to me if not a whole lot more. Then, at least, i have a choice of looking back maybe a few days, weeks, months or even years (depending on how long after i am speaking to the person) and i can look at a whole - because then its not individual situations (unless they are very grave or very recent) that i am looking at. Overall, i can then say (depending on time lines) that either my life has been positive or negative.

Whatever happened to "how are you?". Simple, easy and a question that can be answered without having to think too much. I miss "how are you?" and would like people to tell me how they answer the question because i don't have the faintest fucking idea about how's life!!!

Slap, chuckle and bond

"You think my eyes are closed, but i am looking at you the whole fucking time!" - Eddie Vedder

This is more than just a blog. Its a dedication to my most annoying yet closest of pals. Even Ferris Buller had a kick-ass life compared to the years of tribulations that our man has gone through! I raise a bottle of Crystal to you my friend!

Like all things in college, shit usually hits the roof, fan and any other open space available on a Saturday night. Its exactly what happens when you put a bunch of 20-21 year old's all in the same place (the hostel) drunk out of there minds at 11 o'clock on a Saturday evening! With the drunkenness comes the loss of memory so very few nights can actually be documented. So, it happens one Sunday morning that i am standing outside my institute gates apologizing to a guy i have only heard of but not met since we started college about a month back. The 'heard of' part was more of somebody bitching to me about what this fellow had done yet again! As was natural - i was pissed off even before i had met the guy. Carrying on with Saturday night, about a month into college, i came back happy and drunk to the hostel. When i entered my room, somehow all the happiness vanished looking at the chaos that ensued. My roommate - who happened to be one of the bitches - was standing next to his bed which was soaking wet! I don't really think i even heard the whole story before i was in the room across mine where the fellow in question resided. Again no recollection here except that i entered the room the man stood up i slapped him across his face and he pushed me towards the wall, by which time there were quite a few people in the room to break up the mess. Arguments, abuses and a little bit of steam later things calmed down and things went on towards other crazy Saturday night pursuits.

This brings me to Sunday morning. Still a little hazy, badly hungover and very hungry i made my way to the institute cafeteria in the hope to find food. As i got on to the road towards the institute gates i saw a figure standing outside - obviously waiting for his girl because the girls hostel was right opposite. When the distance shortened and there was no more haze in front of my eyes i realized SHIT! this is the guy i had the scuffle with. Something, and i wish i knew, just something at that very instant made me walk up to him and reach out for his hand to shake and apologize to him for last night. And, so it was that Sunday morning when Nikhil Menon and i introduced ourselves to each other, let bygones be bygones and basically made messing around with each other an intrinsic part of our brotherhood.

February of the 25th in 2003

Everything is so complicated that it is hard figuring out where to start. Thoughts are quite messed up. My childhood was awesome, my teens were as crazy and happy as anyone else's and college was the experience of a lifetime. So who can i blame? What do i blame for?

Just the other day i was thinking about how as kids things were so much nicer. Nothing really mattered. The age of innocence where things are are just simple. Black and white. But as you are getting used to it, there is this sudden grey area that materialises and with diplomacy, greed, hatred, maya, jealousy and other such evils creeping in, they just seem to make the black and white nearly diminish. Why? Can i blame these? Do i blame the world for creating these?

Survival equals deceit. Honesty doesnt exist and if people think they are honest, its a very wrong notion because far from being honest with people around you, you are not even honest with yourself.

Why does life become an endless struggle to achieve things at the behest of humanity? Why is kindness a quality of the weak?

A day that started a life

I was finally back home for good. One of the first, no, actually the first one to leave college. It was as if a 3 year surrealism had suddenly been taken away. The dreams we saw, the dreams we lived and the dreams to come all live on forever.
On one hand, I remember, there were people in my own batch who had waited 2 years before they got through the entrance exams and on the other hand there was me! Not that i didn't complete my test, just that i couldn't do the first section cause i was late and out of the 20 minutes given for that section i was left with only 5. It had been a wild time the night before and anyway it was not my idea to sit for the entrance. Well, i somehow managed and was informed that i need to come back for my group discussion and personal interview the next day. After yet another hard night of party, i walked in for round 2 only to find boys and girls dressed in suits and ties! Was i in the wrong place or were they? I believe the only thing decent in my attire were the shoes - which were thankfully black - barring that the earrings, the Chinese collar shirt, the baggy jeans and the colored hair screamed 'FREAK'. In the state i was in - still reeling from last night - the single memory (other than clothing) i have of that day is a question i was asked by one of the panelists in the personal interview. He asked me, "what is the significance of those earrings, is it religious or just a fashion statement?". I will always believe that i got admission based on the answer i gave, which was "it is nothing religious and yes to an extent it is a fashion statement, but more than that sir, i believe that everyone has a male and female side to them and i am just trying to keep in touch with my feminine side". I was also looking directly at the only woman on the panel when i said this so i guess i got that brownie!
A month later i was standing in front of the haloed gates of the institute that would be home for me for the next 3 years. Only God knows how? Apparently, and this is something i honestly didn't know (i thought i was going to college?!), the campus had a few ground rules - no chappals, no shorts and no earrings on campus! Are u kidding me? Where am i and how did i get here, cause when i entered i had instantly faltered on all the rules! I was traveling for fucks sake and who the fuck (except for executives and the like) travels in suits? I need my room when i travel and that's why the shorts and the flip-flops. Ah well, within a minute i had four seniors telling to me to change into pants or something cause the principal had already heard! Can u believe it, this is within a minute of entering the gates? Welcome to the mecca of gossip and professional 'bhakhchoddi', IHM, Aurangabad.
When you are pretty convinced that you are completely in the wrong place and then out-of-the-blue someone approaches you and the first thing they ask is "were you the guy who entered wearing shorts?" with a smile on their face - that gives a hope and a half that maybe just maybe. It was that question alone that forged a friendship for life, because beyond that question i didn't even have to ask as i knew instantly that i was looking into a mirror and a rebel-without-a-cause stared back! He was black, big, bespectacled and a devil to the core. The black, bespectacled devil is still the same, just a little smaller. With time i realized that the devil is actually a quick thinking, sharp-witted and with the memory of an elephant and that is what made him the devil. More about the devil on a later date maybe, for now every time i think about this day it reminds me of how it can be classified as a re-birth or what the alcoholics term as 'A moment of CLARITY!'