Morning rises
Fresh and old
Dying to live
...
Pains forgotten
memory remains
Longing forever
colors for a palette
wiped with a dirty cloth
...
One drop
magnificently small
pearl in an ocean
Refreshing mint
Unbroken light passes
a new dream takes over
simplicity of the awe
complex in patterns
Breaking waves
within the self
reaching higher ground
Fairies descend
demons rise
souls collide
vibrations
...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
25th August 2009 (Haiku)
Place.
Arambol
earth and sky
One
Party.
Mind traveling
rainbow of people
wandering at 162 bpm
...
Rubber souls
jagged rocks
heart skips a beat
Enfield.
Screaming winds
still of the night moon
fireflies whiz by
Life.
Time and self
footprints felt
being daft
...
Blank pages
door left open
traces of gold
...
Arambol
earth and sky
One
Party.
Mind traveling
rainbow of people
wandering at 162 bpm
...
Rubber souls
jagged rocks
heart skips a beat
Enfield.
Screaming winds
still of the night moon
fireflies whiz by
Life.
Time and self
footprints felt
being daft
...
Blank pages
door left open
traces of gold
...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Time Check
I have often pondered on certain relationships and there peculiar occurrence. They can't really be classified under a regular name like let's say a friendship or something to that affect.The person just happens to be around and you are associated only due to the proximity you share. Beyond that there is really nothing concrete to write home about, either about the person or the relationship. The best part is that the person keeps popping in and out of your life and now with the communication age he's just a facebook message away.
All through kindergarten up to the fifth grade i used the, matador, school van to commute. This meant that all of us boys and girls, us and the girls from cjm, were in a cocooned and isolated circle away from the seniors. During this time a chap whose name I'll reserve for obvious reasons would travel with me to and from school everyday up to the second grade. We were in the same batch albeit in different classes. Our real interaction happened only in that matador. The memory i have from this pop-in number one is that i invariably would get into a fight with this chap and would beat the shit out of him in the morning. During the half hour recess at school he would gather a couple of his classmates who would find me and beat the shit out of me. Guess what i was doing when we were going back home?
Anyhow, time went by. I moved into the school bus and by the time i was in the sixth grade i had completely forgotten about this chap's existence. Growing up is always eventful and i had a fucking ball! In the ninth grade a 'moment of clarity' occurred. You see we had to choose between two vocational courses. One was the choice between Hindi and Sanskrit. Two was the choice between computer science and craft. Obviously computers but because of my Sanskrit teacher coaxing me into it, i made a stupid choice in Sanskrit. In hindsight it was one of the best things that happened to me. Two days into the new term and i was like fuck this shit man i need Hindi. I was given Hindi after a little running around but my class section had to be changed 'cause the current section, that i had grown up with, was now a Sanskrit only batch.
After six years i was sitting in exactly the same section as the chap! Pop-in number two. We hit it off like two long lost girlfriends - r u freaking kidding me?! Anyway the year was spent making new friends and breaking into the friendships that had existed from kindergarten. By the time the year was ending i was very confident that these boys should have happened to me a long time ago! The chap, no doubt, was lurking in the shadows all along.
A couple of weeks before our final exams were about to start, somehow, the chap decides that he is close enough to me for him to be able to invite me over to his house and spend the Saturday with him. I accepted with an ulterior motive - another classmate lived in the vicinity and i had to work towards making him my tennis partner and i knew we were gonna go and pay him a visit. Not a bad day overall and the only other person in the chap's house was his 80 year old grandma.
By the end of the end we were chilling on the computer - in what he had clearly told me was his room - playing games and the like. Here the chap acts real cool and brings out this 'office file' to show me. He had gone through the pains of cutting each page very carefully and then place them inside the plastic jackets of the file. Thus transforming the really dirty, and i mean really hardcore porn dirty, magazine into an innocuous looking file that he may be using for his schoolwork. Good job i say!
But you see me being me, i couldn't help controlling myself. At a very opportune moment the chap's grandma calls him away for some chore and he leaves telling me to bolt the door just in case. Excellent! I quickly pulled out a few very hardcore centerspreads and placed them along the length of the bed under the bed cover. A little while later i left and pretty much forgot about the whole thing.
One afternoon, a few days later, i get a call from a person who said i am the chap's grandma speaking, you know the one you met the other day and all that. The chap did such a sad job of imitating his grandma that even my dog could have told the difference through the phone. Anyway, this grandma goes on to tell about what a terrible thing i have done. I had no idea what she was talking about and she never once mentioned exactly what she was referring to. The next day was our final English paper. I met the chap outside the classroom just before the paper was to start in the morning. He looked like he needed to catch up on a weeks sleep! I was like what's wrong mate? He explained to me how the house was being painted, how the painters had shown his mother what was underneath the bed cover, how she had freaked out, how his dad had beaten him with his shoe, how his grandma nearly had a heart attack 'cause of the way he was beaten, how he hadn't been able to sleep for 5 nights and how he had not studied for today's paper.
I was like dude hang on, you had told me very clearly that the room was yours so very obviously the bed was yours in which you would go to sleep at night! It was also very cheap for you to have called me trying to imitate you grandma and giving me all that spiel! Finally i said to him chill out man - it's only an English exam!
All through kindergarten up to the fifth grade i used the, matador, school van to commute. This meant that all of us boys and girls, us and the girls from cjm, were in a cocooned and isolated circle away from the seniors. During this time a chap whose name I'll reserve for obvious reasons would travel with me to and from school everyday up to the second grade. We were in the same batch albeit in different classes. Our real interaction happened only in that matador. The memory i have from this pop-in number one is that i invariably would get into a fight with this chap and would beat the shit out of him in the morning. During the half hour recess at school he would gather a couple of his classmates who would find me and beat the shit out of me. Guess what i was doing when we were going back home?
Anyhow, time went by. I moved into the school bus and by the time i was in the sixth grade i had completely forgotten about this chap's existence. Growing up is always eventful and i had a fucking ball! In the ninth grade a 'moment of clarity' occurred. You see we had to choose between two vocational courses. One was the choice between Hindi and Sanskrit. Two was the choice between computer science and craft. Obviously computers but because of my Sanskrit teacher coaxing me into it, i made a stupid choice in Sanskrit. In hindsight it was one of the best things that happened to me. Two days into the new term and i was like fuck this shit man i need Hindi. I was given Hindi after a little running around but my class section had to be changed 'cause the current section, that i had grown up with, was now a Sanskrit only batch.
After six years i was sitting in exactly the same section as the chap! Pop-in number two. We hit it off like two long lost girlfriends - r u freaking kidding me?! Anyway the year was spent making new friends and breaking into the friendships that had existed from kindergarten. By the time the year was ending i was very confident that these boys should have happened to me a long time ago! The chap, no doubt, was lurking in the shadows all along.
A couple of weeks before our final exams were about to start, somehow, the chap decides that he is close enough to me for him to be able to invite me over to his house and spend the Saturday with him. I accepted with an ulterior motive - another classmate lived in the vicinity and i had to work towards making him my tennis partner and i knew we were gonna go and pay him a visit. Not a bad day overall and the only other person in the chap's house was his 80 year old grandma.
By the end of the end we were chilling on the computer - in what he had clearly told me was his room - playing games and the like. Here the chap acts real cool and brings out this 'office file' to show me. He had gone through the pains of cutting each page very carefully and then place them inside the plastic jackets of the file. Thus transforming the really dirty, and i mean really hardcore porn dirty, magazine into an innocuous looking file that he may be using for his schoolwork. Good job i say!
But you see me being me, i couldn't help controlling myself. At a very opportune moment the chap's grandma calls him away for some chore and he leaves telling me to bolt the door just in case. Excellent! I quickly pulled out a few very hardcore centerspreads and placed them along the length of the bed under the bed cover. A little while later i left and pretty much forgot about the whole thing.
One afternoon, a few days later, i get a call from a person who said i am the chap's grandma speaking, you know the one you met the other day and all that. The chap did such a sad job of imitating his grandma that even my dog could have told the difference through the phone. Anyway, this grandma goes on to tell about what a terrible thing i have done. I had no idea what she was talking about and she never once mentioned exactly what she was referring to. The next day was our final English paper. I met the chap outside the classroom just before the paper was to start in the morning. He looked like he needed to catch up on a weeks sleep! I was like what's wrong mate? He explained to me how the house was being painted, how the painters had shown his mother what was underneath the bed cover, how she had freaked out, how his dad had beaten him with his shoe, how his grandma nearly had a heart attack 'cause of the way he was beaten, how he hadn't been able to sleep for 5 nights and how he had not studied for today's paper.
I was like dude hang on, you had told me very clearly that the room was yours so very obviously the bed was yours in which you would go to sleep at night! It was also very cheap for you to have called me trying to imitate you grandma and giving me all that spiel! Finally i said to him chill out man - it's only an English exam!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Can you say 'lingerie'?
It's like i always say - the lot of us were put together at the same time and each had his/her own particular spot to fill, a role to play and for a reason.
A particular, or peculiar i should say, character was amongst us. Tall, 6'1", hefty (read plump), not really bad to look at with his short curly hair and affable little smile. All of us have forever wondered how he ever made it in the first place? He couldn't really converse in proper English - he would always trail off into Hindi. His written English was even worse. A disaster in the kitchen and a complete buffoon when it came to service. Not too bright either one would say but 'cause he was really a nice guy at heart, this alone made up for most his shortcomings. Also one he's your friend you can pretty much count on him for anything. Not too much of a drinker or a smoker when he first came in, things changed rapidly i would say.
I don't really have too many memories of him from back in 1st year except the fact that he pretty much taught me how to ride a bike, a borrowed one at that and whose handle i managed to break. Also he let me borrow his sandals for my vacation in Goa. My real deal didn't start with till like the end of 2nd year during our front office ojt for which we were deputed together. By this time our man was a full power pill popping, ganja smoking alcoholic. The local chemist round the corner had learnt the magic of pharma through him! He was thick with the one of the biggest ganja dealers in town and he had tabs running at at least 2 of neighborhood bars. The man was a walking intoxicant ready to give you the same experience.
One particular day our shifts collide and we were working together from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. The man decides that today is as good a day as any to get trashed at work. With low occupancy and no check-ins the day was perfect and a fresh delivery of beers had just been made! At 11 the man takes one of the travel desk cars down to the chemist shop and returns with an assortment of pharmaceuticals. I in the meantime have rolled a couple and a fellow trashee has the beers organized. The three of us go to the roof of the hotel and by 12.30 are way into wonderland. It's time to go back to work and i decide to take it easy and head to the business centre to chill. About ten minutes later the man joins me to chill as well. Right behind him walks in the general manager who looks directly into the man's eyes. Brilliant timing and the first question the gm asks, "why are your eyes red?". No answer. "Are you on drugs?". No answer. "Can you please follow me to my office right away?!". I believe he was suspended for a week. Not too much sweat for someone who had his first letter of suspension framed and put on his wall in his room in the hostel!
By the time 3rd year happened, the man, who was still in the same room in the hostel next to the bathroom, was a pukka pothead. I remember those days very clearly. At 8.45 i would barely be ready to go to college and our man in the meantime was all dressed and ready to light up his morning glory. I have bumped into him (read pulled into his room) one too many times with the request, "Jalanaa!".
A particular, or peculiar i should say, character was amongst us. Tall, 6'1", hefty (read plump), not really bad to look at with his short curly hair and affable little smile. All of us have forever wondered how he ever made it in the first place? He couldn't really converse in proper English - he would always trail off into Hindi. His written English was even worse. A disaster in the kitchen and a complete buffoon when it came to service. Not too bright either one would say but 'cause he was really a nice guy at heart, this alone made up for most his shortcomings. Also one he's your friend you can pretty much count on him for anything. Not too much of a drinker or a smoker when he first came in, things changed rapidly i would say.
I don't really have too many memories of him from back in 1st year except the fact that he pretty much taught me how to ride a bike, a borrowed one at that and whose handle i managed to break. Also he let me borrow his sandals for my vacation in Goa. My real deal didn't start with till like the end of 2nd year during our front office ojt for which we were deputed together. By this time our man was a full power pill popping, ganja smoking alcoholic. The local chemist round the corner had learnt the magic of pharma through him! He was thick with the one of the biggest ganja dealers in town and he had tabs running at at least 2 of neighborhood bars. The man was a walking intoxicant ready to give you the same experience.
One particular day our shifts collide and we were working together from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. The man decides that today is as good a day as any to get trashed at work. With low occupancy and no check-ins the day was perfect and a fresh delivery of beers had just been made! At 11 the man takes one of the travel desk cars down to the chemist shop and returns with an assortment of pharmaceuticals. I in the meantime have rolled a couple and a fellow trashee has the beers organized. The three of us go to the roof of the hotel and by 12.30 are way into wonderland. It's time to go back to work and i decide to take it easy and head to the business centre to chill. About ten minutes later the man joins me to chill as well. Right behind him walks in the general manager who looks directly into the man's eyes. Brilliant timing and the first question the gm asks, "why are your eyes red?". No answer. "Are you on drugs?". No answer. "Can you please follow me to my office right away?!". I believe he was suspended for a week. Not too much sweat for someone who had his first letter of suspension framed and put on his wall in his room in the hostel!
By the time 3rd year happened, the man, who was still in the same room in the hostel next to the bathroom, was a pukka pothead. I remember those days very clearly. At 8.45 i would barely be ready to go to college and our man in the meantime was all dressed and ready to light up his morning glory. I have bumped into him (read pulled into his room) one too many times with the request, "Jalanaa!".
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Smurf
It's easy to forgive they say. It ain't easy to forget. To the extent that you will never let t go. Sometimes the most liked of friends become the most dis-liked literally overnight. The strangest part is when they tell you that all they were trying to do was to be 'you'! It's a very crazy situation to be in.
This drama unfolds over several months covering the whole of first year and quarter of the second year at college. Like always no names but i believe out here it'll be pretty obvious who and what we are referring to. He was my roommate and he was the 'smurf'. Tall, lanky fellow who belonged to a part of Delhi i had and didn't want any association with. Somehow i seemed to take a liking towards him. To the extent that he went ahead and fashioned his nickname after mine, and i seemed to have no problem with that! Overtime and owing to the fact that we were roommates (him being one who had no issues with me and pals partying it up way into the wee hours on a school night), we became good friends and did manage to have quite a blast while it lasted. People all around me told me i was being a fool and that he was just trying to be a cheap imitation but, i really didn't care 'cause i liked him.
The shit pretty much hit the fan around the time we were chucked out of the hostel. Another story for another time dedicated to another shitty little fucker we had amongst us but, that's for another day.
Smurf, 2 others and myself decided that we are gonna shack up together and so moved into these new digs. On the day of moving my father accompanied by smurfs' father came to town - obviously owing to the shit that went down. My father had me know that while traveling, on the same train, Sr. smurf decided he wants to get drunk and doesn't even have his own booze. Now my dad ain't a bad guy so he let him have his whisky. Far from being appreciative Sr. smurf goes ahead and has the audacity to tell my father that because he blames me for smurf and the shit he is gonna slap me when he sees me. Sr. you are damn lucky you were in the state you were in 'cause otherwise you would've been a dead man. I was pretty pissed off after listening to this and that got me further pissed off at smurf 'cause apparently he had ratted us out in front of the princi.
The first night at the new digs we had ourselves a party. Quite a few of the boys were around. After consuming quite a bit of alcohol smurf and i got into an argument. The last thing i remember is when smurf threw a bottle at me which missed me by a whisker. The next thing i know is that i am being held by a couple of guys and smurf is lying on the ground half-dead.
A few days later all the shit in college died down like it always does, i moved into a new place with the other 2, Sr. smurf apparently told the princi that smurf would be killed outside so he should be allowed back into the hostel, and life pretty much carried on after that. First year ended a couple of months later, one roommate plugged the year and moved on, the other was a senior who went back home. I moved back into the hostel, another story :), became good friends with the boy who we had beaten during the whole shit and never even so much as acknowledged the fact that smurf existed.
Just when you thought everything was swell, smurf had to go and royally fuck around. A few days before our first on-the-job started smurf got into some serious shit. A bunch of us were called upon to go to Pune for a 4 day outdoor catering that was taking place. Smurf was also one of the few. Anyway, after 4 days of hardcore work we decided to party it up. A few of us went to a colleagues place and the others made their own plans. I was pretty much partying till morning and after that caught my bus back to college the next day not knowing what had gone down back at the hotel where we had been given rooms to stay. Apparently smurf had tried to get fresh with some girl from college and that too in her bedroom which she had been nice enough to offer so smurf could sleep. The nerve!!
I found out about this about a week later when i saw smurf outside the princi's office. Immediately after this we were on our first on-the-job at the Residency next to college. As luck would have it smurf was there too. During the first couple of weeks or so we had a Foster's event at the hotel 'cause of which nobody really kept track of beer consumption. A friend and myself managed to take out quite a few bottle with us outside of the hotel and into the hostel for a party. Next morning i see smurf outside the princi's office yet again. This time around he had tried whacking the beers as well and had gotten caught by the guard. The fool had Sr. smurf on his way back again, twice in the same year! During all of this tamasha i also learnt that smurf was going around telling people shit like 'if you can like Garry why can't you like me?'. I couldn't believe this!!
One evening just when i was getting ready for dinner there was some hullabaloo around smurfy's room. He prolly was getting a beating by the boys 'cause of what he had done in Pune. At that moment something prompted me to go to his room, not to beat him further but to just talk to him. I remember locking the door when i entered his room while he sat on the bed. I believe i spoke to him very calmly and rationally for about a half-hour. Recollecting all of what i said is hard but, in the end i walked out with a bunch of guys standing outside trying to listen and smurfy still sitting in his room sobbing like the little girl that he was. A lot of people think i beat him up that day but, that wasn't how it went down. My goal was to break him, mentally, and that's exactly what i did.
A few days later smurf left college for good. I remember thinking back then, he couldn't have handled the 3 years anyway. Was it so hard just being yourself is what i ask?
This drama unfolds over several months covering the whole of first year and quarter of the second year at college. Like always no names but i believe out here it'll be pretty obvious who and what we are referring to. He was my roommate and he was the 'smurf'. Tall, lanky fellow who belonged to a part of Delhi i had and didn't want any association with. Somehow i seemed to take a liking towards him. To the extent that he went ahead and fashioned his nickname after mine, and i seemed to have no problem with that! Overtime and owing to the fact that we were roommates (him being one who had no issues with me and pals partying it up way into the wee hours on a school night), we became good friends and did manage to have quite a blast while it lasted. People all around me told me i was being a fool and that he was just trying to be a cheap imitation but, i really didn't care 'cause i liked him.
The shit pretty much hit the fan around the time we were chucked out of the hostel. Another story for another time dedicated to another shitty little fucker we had amongst us but, that's for another day.
Smurf, 2 others and myself decided that we are gonna shack up together and so moved into these new digs. On the day of moving my father accompanied by smurfs' father came to town - obviously owing to the shit that went down. My father had me know that while traveling, on the same train, Sr. smurf decided he wants to get drunk and doesn't even have his own booze. Now my dad ain't a bad guy so he let him have his whisky. Far from being appreciative Sr. smurf goes ahead and has the audacity to tell my father that because he blames me for smurf and the shit he is gonna slap me when he sees me. Sr. you are damn lucky you were in the state you were in 'cause otherwise you would've been a dead man. I was pretty pissed off after listening to this and that got me further pissed off at smurf 'cause apparently he had ratted us out in front of the princi.
The first night at the new digs we had ourselves a party. Quite a few of the boys were around. After consuming quite a bit of alcohol smurf and i got into an argument. The last thing i remember is when smurf threw a bottle at me which missed me by a whisker. The next thing i know is that i am being held by a couple of guys and smurf is lying on the ground half-dead.
A few days later all the shit in college died down like it always does, i moved into a new place with the other 2, Sr. smurf apparently told the princi that smurf would be killed outside so he should be allowed back into the hostel, and life pretty much carried on after that. First year ended a couple of months later, one roommate plugged the year and moved on, the other was a senior who went back home. I moved back into the hostel, another story :), became good friends with the boy who we had beaten during the whole shit and never even so much as acknowledged the fact that smurf existed.
Just when you thought everything was swell, smurf had to go and royally fuck around. A few days before our first on-the-job started smurf got into some serious shit. A bunch of us were called upon to go to Pune for a 4 day outdoor catering that was taking place. Smurf was also one of the few. Anyway, after 4 days of hardcore work we decided to party it up. A few of us went to a colleagues place and the others made their own plans. I was pretty much partying till morning and after that caught my bus back to college the next day not knowing what had gone down back at the hotel where we had been given rooms to stay. Apparently smurf had tried to get fresh with some girl from college and that too in her bedroom which she had been nice enough to offer so smurf could sleep. The nerve!!
I found out about this about a week later when i saw smurf outside the princi's office. Immediately after this we were on our first on-the-job at the Residency next to college. As luck would have it smurf was there too. During the first couple of weeks or so we had a Foster's event at the hotel 'cause of which nobody really kept track of beer consumption. A friend and myself managed to take out quite a few bottle with us outside of the hotel and into the hostel for a party. Next morning i see smurf outside the princi's office yet again. This time around he had tried whacking the beers as well and had gotten caught by the guard. The fool had Sr. smurf on his way back again, twice in the same year! During all of this tamasha i also learnt that smurf was going around telling people shit like 'if you can like Garry why can't you like me?'. I couldn't believe this!!
One evening just when i was getting ready for dinner there was some hullabaloo around smurfy's room. He prolly was getting a beating by the boys 'cause of what he had done in Pune. At that moment something prompted me to go to his room, not to beat him further but to just talk to him. I remember locking the door when i entered his room while he sat on the bed. I believe i spoke to him very calmly and rationally for about a half-hour. Recollecting all of what i said is hard but, in the end i walked out with a bunch of guys standing outside trying to listen and smurfy still sitting in his room sobbing like the little girl that he was. A lot of people think i beat him up that day but, that wasn't how it went down. My goal was to break him, mentally, and that's exactly what i did.
A few days later smurf left college for good. I remember thinking back then, he couldn't have handled the 3 years anyway. Was it so hard just being yourself is what i ask?
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Sleeper
I could not contain myself any longer. Just the thought that it was going to be my first time in Goa, that too for new year's, was enough for me to tell my father that he needs to fax the college authorities and ask them to excuse me for the new year outdoor catering as we had a family vacation planned that had been paid for months in advance and could not be cancelled. A complete lie, considering I was going to Goa with another friend.
December 26th, 1999, 6.30 a.m. - Mapusa, Goa. I had arrived and was brimming with excitement from head to toe. This is not a memoir of the trip as such but a recollection of a real comedic situation that left one of the most laughable memory for me in Goa. I had joined a friend, who had already set up the accommodation and transport for us before I got in. Two more were joining us on the morning of the 31st. One of them was called Sutta Singh and this is about Sutta, a rave and a chai waali.
The turn of the century and Goa was spilling over with hippies and other such. The energy of the place was enough to keep you awake all night and give you a high without any psychedelics.
We had to literally park our bikes like a mile away from bamboo forest on 31st night as there was a multi-lane traffic jam on the road leading to its entrance. If you have been to Goa, you know the size of the roads! The four of us managed to get to the forest and found ourselves a nice spot next to one of the chai waali's who had set up shop under the huge bamboo tree. We decided that this is gonna be the homing spot whenever we needed to re-convene.
The escapades began. Sutta and I were together as the other two went off to look for their own adventure. We had all chipped in for the psychedelics and I decided on a dolphin and a hoffman to kickstart the night. Sutta decided he is going to pop his share after a while.
While the other two went off, I decided to roll one for Sutta and myself. By the time i was finished, Sutta had pretty much passed out! Anyway, I had a pretty white girl sitting next to me who was more than happy to share the smoke. As the night progressed, my highs began to work their magic.
Sometime during the night I had succumbed to the psychedelic and so decided to head to the dance floor to meet other magicians and create an alchemy of good vibes. Sutta, of course, was left sleeping next to the chai waali.
Now, because, I had been sitting there and was chatting with the white girl and buying stuff off the chai waali she didnt mind that Sutta was lying there sleeping his ass off. Once i left, having pretty much forgotten about Sutta, I have no idea what happened next.
Around 5.30 a.m. I bumped into the other two who asked me about Sutta. I said he must be still there because he was deep in slumber and snoring away to glory when I left. We made our way back to the chai waali.
This is when all three of us almost died laughing. Now, i wish i could sketch the scene out for you so I'll do my best to put it down into words and try to create a visual for you.
Sutta was completely stretched out (like you would on your own bed), his feet were pointing in opposite directions, his arms were in a V-shape with his hands bunched up to the sides of his chest (you know like chicken wings) and his mouth was wide open. Coupled with that the chai waali was hitting him with her steel 'chimta' (tongs), trying to wake him up while shouting "this is not a bed you harami! Either get up and get lost or start buying something in compensation for the last five hours you have been passed out because of which i have lost business you bastard!".
Like I said i wish i could draw this whole scene out for you, because not only the three of us but everybody sitting around was looking at what was happening and was laughing their freaking balls off!
The three of us calmed the chai waali down, so she would stop hitting and cursing him, by buying some tea and there was Sutta still lying in the same position throughout this whole comedy. He did wake up eventually only to find that his share of psychedelics had also been used up by us. I mean c'mon you think we would wait around till 6 in the morning for his royal ass to wake up while we held on to the goodies?!
I don't think anyone in the world has ever slept so peacefully at a rave like Sutta did that night. How? You gotta ask him yourself 'cause we were too busy laughing ourselves to death!
December 26th, 1999, 6.30 a.m. - Mapusa, Goa. I had arrived and was brimming with excitement from head to toe. This is not a memoir of the trip as such but a recollection of a real comedic situation that left one of the most laughable memory for me in Goa. I had joined a friend, who had already set up the accommodation and transport for us before I got in. Two more were joining us on the morning of the 31st. One of them was called Sutta Singh and this is about Sutta, a rave and a chai waali.
The turn of the century and Goa was spilling over with hippies and other such. The energy of the place was enough to keep you awake all night and give you a high without any psychedelics.
We had to literally park our bikes like a mile away from bamboo forest on 31st night as there was a multi-lane traffic jam on the road leading to its entrance. If you have been to Goa, you know the size of the roads! The four of us managed to get to the forest and found ourselves a nice spot next to one of the chai waali's who had set up shop under the huge bamboo tree. We decided that this is gonna be the homing spot whenever we needed to re-convene.
The escapades began. Sutta and I were together as the other two went off to look for their own adventure. We had all chipped in for the psychedelics and I decided on a dolphin and a hoffman to kickstart the night. Sutta decided he is going to pop his share after a while.
While the other two went off, I decided to roll one for Sutta and myself. By the time i was finished, Sutta had pretty much passed out! Anyway, I had a pretty white girl sitting next to me who was more than happy to share the smoke. As the night progressed, my highs began to work their magic.
Sometime during the night I had succumbed to the psychedelic and so decided to head to the dance floor to meet other magicians and create an alchemy of good vibes. Sutta, of course, was left sleeping next to the chai waali.
Now, because, I had been sitting there and was chatting with the white girl and buying stuff off the chai waali she didnt mind that Sutta was lying there sleeping his ass off. Once i left, having pretty much forgotten about Sutta, I have no idea what happened next.
Around 5.30 a.m. I bumped into the other two who asked me about Sutta. I said he must be still there because he was deep in slumber and snoring away to glory when I left. We made our way back to the chai waali.
This is when all three of us almost died laughing. Now, i wish i could sketch the scene out for you so I'll do my best to put it down into words and try to create a visual for you.
Sutta was completely stretched out (like you would on your own bed), his feet were pointing in opposite directions, his arms were in a V-shape with his hands bunched up to the sides of his chest (you know like chicken wings) and his mouth was wide open. Coupled with that the chai waali was hitting him with her steel 'chimta' (tongs), trying to wake him up while shouting "this is not a bed you harami! Either get up and get lost or start buying something in compensation for the last five hours you have been passed out because of which i have lost business you bastard!".
Like I said i wish i could draw this whole scene out for you, because not only the three of us but everybody sitting around was looking at what was happening and was laughing their freaking balls off!
The three of us calmed the chai waali down, so she would stop hitting and cursing him, by buying some tea and there was Sutta still lying in the same position throughout this whole comedy. He did wake up eventually only to find that his share of psychedelics had also been used up by us. I mean c'mon you think we would wait around till 6 in the morning for his royal ass to wake up while we held on to the goodies?!
I don't think anyone in the world has ever slept so peacefully at a rave like Sutta did that night. How? You gotta ask him yourself 'cause we were too busy laughing ourselves to death!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
5th Element
I was once told, by a senior in college, that the people who are your friends and enemies in the first year would perform exactly the opposite roles by the time its graduation. Alas, like everything else that was broken by our batch, this rule also never applied.
The four of us were pretty thick all the way up to the end of first year. Disintegration had started just about 6 months later actually. It all was because of this one guy who was the prick basically. The one i ended up trusting and for the same reason had to apologize to at least 4 people. Anyway, like i said 4 of us right? No. There was a fifth element. Maybe not for all for but for me he was the link that was grounded and with a level head on his shoulders. I helped destroy that link and he lost faith in me and many more. It happened quite gradually and by the time it was 3rd year the kind of attitude that had developed within our relationship was strange. It wasn't animosity. It was disappointment.
Here's a good and bad story for ya.
There was this particular project and 4 people had to team up for the task. I grouped up with five, another idiot from the batch and the prick. Of course, no work was done. By the time we realized it was just about a week before submissions. So, five and I put ourselves to the task, worked over 3 nights and put together a fully bound and embossed project one hour before submission. Both of us managed quite a decent score. There happened to be a viva on the project itself a week after submission. Five and I never let the other 2 even see the project. They failed miserably. Anyhow, the good showed and i trusted five even more.
A couple of months later, five, a senior and myself decided to hire a T.V. and a V.C.R. for a 4 day long weekend that was coming up. We rented about a dozen movies, stocked up on booze, snacks and made the room a small little theatre. 2 and a half days later we went out and got another 4 movies and except for that we didn't move until Sunday evening. With the retail guy on our doorstep three of us had to return the gadgetry and pay for it. So the 2 of us made up this story about how we don't have money and all but will pay five back if he took care of it right now.
Photographic memory or not sometimes some images just stick so permanently in your head that if i had a print option i would use it and frame my thought! Five and I went to the ATM and i remember vividly the look on his face. Sheer disappointment because he knew we had not told him the whole time about the truth and had concocted this story. The nice guy never said a word but the image of that expression on his face is something i will never forget.
Since that Sunday evening, it was like a small little hot rock that was created and it kept growing bigger and hotter. Again not that there was any animosity brewing just that it wasn't the same you know. We still hung out from time to time, he still helped me out but this was the bad side of things.
A few years ago five and I happened to be in my hometown. We hung out a couple of times but there was this marked retort that i heard in him. It wasn't obvious but it was there. Things somehow got real ugly over the phone one day - for no apparent reason actually. That is what took me by surprise. It was a small disagreement and he went off on another completely different plane and said things that didn't really make sense. That conversation is what prompted me to write this because the more i went over what he said the more i understood the depth of the divide that had been created.
Misunderstandings are a part of life i guess and sometimes it takes time to come to term with them. I have and one day he will too. Till then this is an ode to the 5th Element who has saved many a day for me.
The four of us were pretty thick all the way up to the end of first year. Disintegration had started just about 6 months later actually. It all was because of this one guy who was the prick basically. The one i ended up trusting and for the same reason had to apologize to at least 4 people. Anyway, like i said 4 of us right? No. There was a fifth element. Maybe not for all for but for me he was the link that was grounded and with a level head on his shoulders. I helped destroy that link and he lost faith in me and many more. It happened quite gradually and by the time it was 3rd year the kind of attitude that had developed within our relationship was strange. It wasn't animosity. It was disappointment.
Here's a good and bad story for ya.
There was this particular project and 4 people had to team up for the task. I grouped up with five, another idiot from the batch and the prick. Of course, no work was done. By the time we realized it was just about a week before submissions. So, five and I put ourselves to the task, worked over 3 nights and put together a fully bound and embossed project one hour before submission. Both of us managed quite a decent score. There happened to be a viva on the project itself a week after submission. Five and I never let the other 2 even see the project. They failed miserably. Anyhow, the good showed and i trusted five even more.
A couple of months later, five, a senior and myself decided to hire a T.V. and a V.C.R. for a 4 day long weekend that was coming up. We rented about a dozen movies, stocked up on booze, snacks and made the room a small little theatre. 2 and a half days later we went out and got another 4 movies and except for that we didn't move until Sunday evening. With the retail guy on our doorstep three of us had to return the gadgetry and pay for it. So the 2 of us made up this story about how we don't have money and all but will pay five back if he took care of it right now.
Photographic memory or not sometimes some images just stick so permanently in your head that if i had a print option i would use it and frame my thought! Five and I went to the ATM and i remember vividly the look on his face. Sheer disappointment because he knew we had not told him the whole time about the truth and had concocted this story. The nice guy never said a word but the image of that expression on his face is something i will never forget.
Since that Sunday evening, it was like a small little hot rock that was created and it kept growing bigger and hotter. Again not that there was any animosity brewing just that it wasn't the same you know. We still hung out from time to time, he still helped me out but this was the bad side of things.
A few years ago five and I happened to be in my hometown. We hung out a couple of times but there was this marked retort that i heard in him. It wasn't obvious but it was there. Things somehow got real ugly over the phone one day - for no apparent reason actually. That is what took me by surprise. It was a small disagreement and he went off on another completely different plane and said things that didn't really make sense. That conversation is what prompted me to write this because the more i went over what he said the more i understood the depth of the divide that had been created.
Misunderstandings are a part of life i guess and sometimes it takes time to come to term with them. I have and one day he will too. Till then this is an ode to the 5th Element who has saved many a day for me.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Experience A
Regret is a funny thing. I would like to believe i have none but, sometimes little things you do, stick, make you understand that it was not a 'little' thing and that it defined a whole situation / relationship from then on. Sometimes i wish i was wiser back then, with a little more brain to comprehend what was being pointed out.
Like i said, some things just stick. It ain't no confession or a clarification. It's just an experience and a learning i am penning down so you don't' maketh the mistake i did. A lot of times things happen unintentionally but, we need to realize, especially when its pointed out by the person who was affected, that it was wrong and we need to make amends. More than anything else you need to do it for the person who points it out because that person cares and you need to have that person in your life no matter what.
Definition is tricky so I'll leave a lot to your imagination. It was yet another night at our favorite nightclub which played 'our' music like nobody else did. The club was in it's heyday and had a new artist every weekend. Another big night and we had to be there. The night started the usual but as it progressed, with too many people i knew pouring in, it became crazier than usual and obviously, by the end of it i was on a cocktail of alcohol and other such inside me creating mayhem!
During the process that led me to that state i had done something terrible, and not once but quite a few times over, without knowing or even realizing what the fuck i was up to! Busy socializing with one and sundry i wanted her by my side, to the extent that i would actually go looking for her in the lower floor with close to a 1000 people. She would be there having a good time with her friends, i would pull her out and take her back to where i was. Start my conversations and useless socialising not realising that she was right there with me. Every time she excused herself after a while i would start the whole damn charade again. What a piece of shit i was!
Actions do speak louder words don't they?
In the morning, at home, she told me what i had done. But, we were too busy getting shit faced and so there was registry of what was being said! Now after it all being over and a few years gone by, i realize what i did. I feel ashamed and i feel regret!
Regret is a funny thing. You don't want it but sometimes it catches up and shows you how to better yourself. Regret is important in short doses. It makes you a better human being.
Like i said, some things just stick. It ain't no confession or a clarification. It's just an experience and a learning i am penning down so you don't' maketh the mistake i did. A lot of times things happen unintentionally but, we need to realize, especially when its pointed out by the person who was affected, that it was wrong and we need to make amends. More than anything else you need to do it for the person who points it out because that person cares and you need to have that person in your life no matter what.
Definition is tricky so I'll leave a lot to your imagination. It was yet another night at our favorite nightclub which played 'our' music like nobody else did. The club was in it's heyday and had a new artist every weekend. Another big night and we had to be there. The night started the usual but as it progressed, with too many people i knew pouring in, it became crazier than usual and obviously, by the end of it i was on a cocktail of alcohol and other such inside me creating mayhem!
During the process that led me to that state i had done something terrible, and not once but quite a few times over, without knowing or even realizing what the fuck i was up to! Busy socializing with one and sundry i wanted her by my side, to the extent that i would actually go looking for her in the lower floor with close to a 1000 people. She would be there having a good time with her friends, i would pull her out and take her back to where i was. Start my conversations and useless socialising not realising that she was right there with me. Every time she excused herself after a while i would start the whole damn charade again. What a piece of shit i was!
Actions do speak louder words don't they?
In the morning, at home, she told me what i had done. But, we were too busy getting shit faced and so there was registry of what was being said! Now after it all being over and a few years gone by, i realize what i did. I feel ashamed and i feel regret!
Regret is a funny thing. You don't want it but sometimes it catches up and shows you how to better yourself. Regret is important in short doses. It makes you a better human being.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Play On
"In every game and con there's always an opponent, and there's always a victim. The trick is to know when you're the latter, so you can become the former." - Revolver
Once again it was Perka and myself sitting face to face with the principal in his office. Only this time it was a game that was being played by one of our colleagues and he tried to make us the pawns. All of yous who know about this need not be told the names of the people involved and those who don't, well you didn't need to know anyways. Sitting inside the office with us was the supposed 'victim' in the whole charade which started a couple of days back. Although, the mutual dislike had existed since first year, it was just that this time things had taken a real ugly turn.
This was probably 2nd semester in the 3rd year. One fine evening Perka and I were sitting around the hostel and the man with the plan approached us. He had an offer. He knew we didn't like the piece of shit and would be more than willing to jump at any opportunity that came along. But, he wanted us to beat the shit out of him! Did we look like Jules and Vincent Vega? I thought I had seen too much of Pulp Fiction. We obviously turned him down. He then went on to make an offer we couldn't refuse. The plan was that because he was roommates with the 'victim' he had the key to the room. When the shit wasn't around, he would let us in and we could go around doing anything we wanted with the guy's things. Not bad, we thought to ourselves.
The next evening when the population in the hostel was scarce, Perka, Doc and myself went into the room. I believe short of burning up everything, we did pretty much everything that could be done. Shearing his clothes, putting water in the PC, laying the cupboard upside down and basically trashing everything that came into our hands. Don't know which fool left us the scissors to find! Happy with the results we jumped out the window and went drinking.
And cut to the Principal's office the next day. For the first 20 minutes or so Perka and I just kept listening to the principal and the piece of shit talk and try and blame us. We did that on purpose, because we knew that there was no way in hell that the guy had known that we were involved unless, the man with the plan had told him. What transpired in those 20 minutes helped unfold the whole plan that the man had tried to hatch. After we had trashed the room, the bastard tried to be the good Samaritan and went to the roommate to give him a shoulder to cry on and also lead him to believe that Perka and I were out to get him and the trashing was just the beginning of the hell that we were planning to unleash. Fucking hell! can u believe that?! Post the 20 minutes when we were asked for an explanation, without looking at each other, we knew exactly what we had to say. We first told the principal as to how the man with the plan had approached us and wanted us to beat the shit up because he had problems with him and was too chicken to handle him on his own. Then both of us looked squarely into the shit's eyes and said we have just 2 questions to ask you. He looked at the principal and then asked us to go ahead. We first asked him, "Fine we haven't really gotten along all through college but, have we ever harmed you in any way?" His answer was a prompt No. "Then have we ever in all these years, threatened to do anything to you whether directly or indirectly" And again his answer was an emphatic No. We didn't have to say another word because when we looked at the principal next, he was smiling and asked us both to leave and send the man with the plan into the office because things needed to be settled with him and not with us. He knew we were guilty as hell but he also knew that we had come out looking like the innocent ones being framed and he couldn't touch us because of that. The victim himself had cleared us!
Perka and I obviously lost any of the respect that we had for the guy but more than that we had only one thought. How could anyone ever conceive of anything like this with us as the pawns? How could anyone think of playing the players?
Once again it was Perka and myself sitting face to face with the principal in his office. Only this time it was a game that was being played by one of our colleagues and he tried to make us the pawns. All of yous who know about this need not be told the names of the people involved and those who don't, well you didn't need to know anyways. Sitting inside the office with us was the supposed 'victim' in the whole charade which started a couple of days back. Although, the mutual dislike had existed since first year, it was just that this time things had taken a real ugly turn.
This was probably 2nd semester in the 3rd year. One fine evening Perka and I were sitting around the hostel and the man with the plan approached us. He had an offer. He knew we didn't like the piece of shit and would be more than willing to jump at any opportunity that came along. But, he wanted us to beat the shit out of him! Did we look like Jules and Vincent Vega? I thought I had seen too much of Pulp Fiction. We obviously turned him down. He then went on to make an offer we couldn't refuse. The plan was that because he was roommates with the 'victim' he had the key to the room. When the shit wasn't around, he would let us in and we could go around doing anything we wanted with the guy's things. Not bad, we thought to ourselves.
The next evening when the population in the hostel was scarce, Perka, Doc and myself went into the room. I believe short of burning up everything, we did pretty much everything that could be done. Shearing his clothes, putting water in the PC, laying the cupboard upside down and basically trashing everything that came into our hands. Don't know which fool left us the scissors to find! Happy with the results we jumped out the window and went drinking.
And cut to the Principal's office the next day. For the first 20 minutes or so Perka and I just kept listening to the principal and the piece of shit talk and try and blame us. We did that on purpose, because we knew that there was no way in hell that the guy had known that we were involved unless, the man with the plan had told him. What transpired in those 20 minutes helped unfold the whole plan that the man had tried to hatch. After we had trashed the room, the bastard tried to be the good Samaritan and went to the roommate to give him a shoulder to cry on and also lead him to believe that Perka and I were out to get him and the trashing was just the beginning of the hell that we were planning to unleash. Fucking hell! can u believe that?! Post the 20 minutes when we were asked for an explanation, without looking at each other, we knew exactly what we had to say. We first told the principal as to how the man with the plan had approached us and wanted us to beat the shit up because he had problems with him and was too chicken to handle him on his own. Then both of us looked squarely into the shit's eyes and said we have just 2 questions to ask you. He looked at the principal and then asked us to go ahead. We first asked him, "Fine we haven't really gotten along all through college but, have we ever harmed you in any way?" His answer was a prompt No. "Then have we ever in all these years, threatened to do anything to you whether directly or indirectly" And again his answer was an emphatic No. We didn't have to say another word because when we looked at the principal next, he was smiling and asked us both to leave and send the man with the plan into the office because things needed to be settled with him and not with us. He knew we were guilty as hell but he also knew that we had come out looking like the innocent ones being framed and he couldn't touch us because of that. The victim himself had cleared us!
Perka and I obviously lost any of the respect that we had for the guy but more than that we had only one thought. How could anyone ever conceive of anything like this with us as the pawns? How could anyone think of playing the players?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
How's life?
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty piece, but rather to slide in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW---What a Ride !" - Unknown
I have often wondered about the most appropriate answer for this question! I feel really strange when people ask me, "how's life?" and it happens more often than not. How do you answer that question? When you look at the present, one tends to look at fragments of life in the form of situations around you. It is quite hard to see an amalgamation of situations and construct a concrete entity that can be defined as good or bad. Every situation or issue at that point in life is either positive, negative or a combination of both. To put all the positives and negatives together and be able to say that overall my life is either positive or negative, on the whole, is nearly impossible to do (unless of course you are doing nothing but seeking nirvana at the foot of a tree or mountain!.
"How's life been?" - now that makes a little more sense to me if not a whole lot more. Then, at least, i have a choice of looking back maybe a few days, weeks, months or even years (depending on how long after i am speaking to the person) and i can look at a whole - because then its not individual situations (unless they are very grave or very recent) that i am looking at. Overall, i can then say (depending on time lines) that either my life has been positive or negative.
Whatever happened to "how are you?". Simple, easy and a question that can be answered without having to think too much. I miss "how are you?" and would like people to tell me how they answer the question because i don't have the faintest fucking idea about how's life!!!
I have often wondered about the most appropriate answer for this question! I feel really strange when people ask me, "how's life?" and it happens more often than not. How do you answer that question? When you look at the present, one tends to look at fragments of life in the form of situations around you. It is quite hard to see an amalgamation of situations and construct a concrete entity that can be defined as good or bad. Every situation or issue at that point in life is either positive, negative or a combination of both. To put all the positives and negatives together and be able to say that overall my life is either positive or negative, on the whole, is nearly impossible to do (unless of course you are doing nothing but seeking nirvana at the foot of a tree or mountain!.
"How's life been?" - now that makes a little more sense to me if not a whole lot more. Then, at least, i have a choice of looking back maybe a few days, weeks, months or even years (depending on how long after i am speaking to the person) and i can look at a whole - because then its not individual situations (unless they are very grave or very recent) that i am looking at. Overall, i can then say (depending on time lines) that either my life has been positive or negative.
Whatever happened to "how are you?". Simple, easy and a question that can be answered without having to think too much. I miss "how are you?" and would like people to tell me how they answer the question because i don't have the faintest fucking idea about how's life!!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Slap, chuckle and bond
"You think my eyes are closed, but i am looking at you the whole fucking time!" - Eddie Vedder
This is more than just a blog. Its a dedication to my most annoying yet closest of pals. Even Ferris Buller had a kick-ass life compared to the years of tribulations that our man has gone through! I raise a bottle of Crystal to you my friend!
Like all things in college, shit usually hits the roof, fan and any other open space available on a Saturday night. Its exactly what happens when you put a bunch of 20-21 year old's all in the same place (the hostel) drunk out of there minds at 11 o'clock on a Saturday evening! With the drunkenness comes the loss of memory so very few nights can actually be documented. So, it happens one Sunday morning that i am standing outside my institute gates apologizing to a guy i have only heard of but not met since we started college about a month back. The 'heard of' part was more of somebody bitching to me about what this fellow had done yet again! As was natural - i was pissed off even before i had met the guy. Carrying on with Saturday night, about a month into college, i came back happy and drunk to the hostel. When i entered my room, somehow all the happiness vanished looking at the chaos that ensued. My roommate - who happened to be one of the bitches - was standing next to his bed which was soaking wet! I don't really think i even heard the whole story before i was in the room across mine where the fellow in question resided. Again no recollection here except that i entered the room the man stood up i slapped him across his face and he pushed me towards the wall, by which time there were quite a few people in the room to break up the mess. Arguments, abuses and a little bit of steam later things calmed down and things went on towards other crazy Saturday night pursuits.
This brings me to Sunday morning. Still a little hazy, badly hungover and very hungry i made my way to the institute cafeteria in the hope to find food. As i got on to the road towards the institute gates i saw a figure standing outside - obviously waiting for his girl because the girls hostel was right opposite. When the distance shortened and there was no more haze in front of my eyes i realized SHIT! this is the guy i had the scuffle with. Something, and i wish i knew, just something at that very instant made me walk up to him and reach out for his hand to shake and apologize to him for last night. And, so it was that Sunday morning when Nikhil Menon and i introduced ourselves to each other, let bygones be bygones and basically made messing around with each other an intrinsic part of our brotherhood.
This is more than just a blog. Its a dedication to my most annoying yet closest of pals. Even Ferris Buller had a kick-ass life compared to the years of tribulations that our man has gone through! I raise a bottle of Crystal to you my friend!
Like all things in college, shit usually hits the roof, fan and any other open space available on a Saturday night. Its exactly what happens when you put a bunch of 20-21 year old's all in the same place (the hostel) drunk out of there minds at 11 o'clock on a Saturday evening! With the drunkenness comes the loss of memory so very few nights can actually be documented. So, it happens one Sunday morning that i am standing outside my institute gates apologizing to a guy i have only heard of but not met since we started college about a month back. The 'heard of' part was more of somebody bitching to me about what this fellow had done yet again! As was natural - i was pissed off even before i had met the guy. Carrying on with Saturday night, about a month into college, i came back happy and drunk to the hostel. When i entered my room, somehow all the happiness vanished looking at the chaos that ensued. My roommate - who happened to be one of the bitches - was standing next to his bed which was soaking wet! I don't really think i even heard the whole story before i was in the room across mine where the fellow in question resided. Again no recollection here except that i entered the room the man stood up i slapped him across his face and he pushed me towards the wall, by which time there were quite a few people in the room to break up the mess. Arguments, abuses and a little bit of steam later things calmed down and things went on towards other crazy Saturday night pursuits.
This brings me to Sunday morning. Still a little hazy, badly hungover and very hungry i made my way to the institute cafeteria in the hope to find food. As i got on to the road towards the institute gates i saw a figure standing outside - obviously waiting for his girl because the girls hostel was right opposite. When the distance shortened and there was no more haze in front of my eyes i realized SHIT! this is the guy i had the scuffle with. Something, and i wish i knew, just something at that very instant made me walk up to him and reach out for his hand to shake and apologize to him for last night. And, so it was that Sunday morning when Nikhil Menon and i introduced ourselves to each other, let bygones be bygones and basically made messing around with each other an intrinsic part of our brotherhood.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
February of the 25th in 2003
Everything is so complicated that it is hard figuring out where to start. Thoughts are quite messed up. My childhood was awesome, my teens were as crazy and happy as anyone else's and college was the experience of a lifetime. So who can i blame? What do i blame for?
Just the other day i was thinking about how as kids things were so much nicer. Nothing really mattered. The age of innocence where things are are just simple. Black and white. But as you are getting used to it, there is this sudden grey area that materialises and with diplomacy, greed, hatred, maya, jealousy and other such evils creeping in, they just seem to make the black and white nearly diminish. Why? Can i blame these? Do i blame the world for creating these?
Survival equals deceit. Honesty doesnt exist and if people think they are honest, its a very wrong notion because far from being honest with people around you, you are not even honest with yourself.
Why does life become an endless struggle to achieve things at the behest of humanity? Why is kindness a quality of the weak?
Just the other day i was thinking about how as kids things were so much nicer. Nothing really mattered. The age of innocence where things are are just simple. Black and white. But as you are getting used to it, there is this sudden grey area that materialises and with diplomacy, greed, hatred, maya, jealousy and other such evils creeping in, they just seem to make the black and white nearly diminish. Why? Can i blame these? Do i blame the world for creating these?
Survival equals deceit. Honesty doesnt exist and if people think they are honest, its a very wrong notion because far from being honest with people around you, you are not even honest with yourself.
Why does life become an endless struggle to achieve things at the behest of humanity? Why is kindness a quality of the weak?
Monday, February 2, 2009
A day that started a life
I was finally back home for good. One of the first, no, actually the first one to leave college. It was as if a 3 year surrealism had suddenly been taken away. The dreams we saw, the dreams we lived and the dreams to come all live on forever.
On one hand, I remember, there were people in my own batch who had waited 2 years before they got through the entrance exams and on the other hand there was me! Not that i didn't complete my test, just that i couldn't do the first section cause i was late and out of the 20 minutes given for that section i was left with only 5. It had been a wild time the night before and anyway it was not my idea to sit for the entrance. Well, i somehow managed and was informed that i need to come back for my group discussion and personal interview the next day. After yet another hard night of party, i walked in for round 2 only to find boys and girls dressed in suits and ties! Was i in the wrong place or were they? I believe the only thing decent in my attire were the shoes - which were thankfully black - barring that the earrings, the Chinese collar shirt, the baggy jeans and the colored hair screamed 'FREAK'. In the state i was in - still reeling from last night - the single memory (other than clothing) i have of that day is a question i was asked by one of the panelists in the personal interview. He asked me, "what is the significance of those earrings, is it religious or just a fashion statement?". I will always believe that i got admission based on the answer i gave, which was "it is nothing religious and yes to an extent it is a fashion statement, but more than that sir, i believe that everyone has a male and female side to them and i am just trying to keep in touch with my feminine side". I was also looking directly at the only woman on the panel when i said this so i guess i got that brownie!
A month later i was standing in front of the haloed gates of the institute that would be home for me for the next 3 years. Only God knows how? Apparently, and this is something i honestly didn't know (i thought i was going to college?!), the campus had a few ground rules - no chappals, no shorts and no earrings on campus! Are u kidding me? Where am i and how did i get here, cause when i entered i had instantly faltered on all the rules! I was traveling for fucks sake and who the fuck (except for executives and the like) travels in suits? I need my room when i travel and that's why the shorts and the flip-flops. Ah well, within a minute i had four seniors telling to me to change into pants or something cause the principal had already heard! Can u believe it, this is within a minute of entering the gates? Welcome to the mecca of gossip and professional 'bhakhchoddi', IHM, Aurangabad.
When you are pretty convinced that you are completely in the wrong place and then out-of-the-blue someone approaches you and the first thing they ask is "were you the guy who entered wearing shorts?" with a smile on their face - that gives a hope and a half that maybe just maybe. It was that question alone that forged a friendship for life, because beyond that question i didn't even have to ask as i knew instantly that i was looking into a mirror and a rebel-without-a-cause stared back! He was black, big, bespectacled and a devil to the core. The black, bespectacled devil is still the same, just a little smaller. With time i realized that the devil is actually a quick thinking, sharp-witted and with the memory of an elephant and that is what made him the devil. More about the devil on a later date maybe, for now every time i think about this day it reminds me of how it can be classified as a re-birth or what the alcoholics term as 'A moment of CLARITY!'
On one hand, I remember, there were people in my own batch who had waited 2 years before they got through the entrance exams and on the other hand there was me! Not that i didn't complete my test, just that i couldn't do the first section cause i was late and out of the 20 minutes given for that section i was left with only 5. It had been a wild time the night before and anyway it was not my idea to sit for the entrance. Well, i somehow managed and was informed that i need to come back for my group discussion and personal interview the next day. After yet another hard night of party, i walked in for round 2 only to find boys and girls dressed in suits and ties! Was i in the wrong place or were they? I believe the only thing decent in my attire were the shoes - which were thankfully black - barring that the earrings, the Chinese collar shirt, the baggy jeans and the colored hair screamed 'FREAK'. In the state i was in - still reeling from last night - the single memory (other than clothing) i have of that day is a question i was asked by one of the panelists in the personal interview. He asked me, "what is the significance of those earrings, is it religious or just a fashion statement?". I will always believe that i got admission based on the answer i gave, which was "it is nothing religious and yes to an extent it is a fashion statement, but more than that sir, i believe that everyone has a male and female side to them and i am just trying to keep in touch with my feminine side". I was also looking directly at the only woman on the panel when i said this so i guess i got that brownie!
A month later i was standing in front of the haloed gates of the institute that would be home for me for the next 3 years. Only God knows how? Apparently, and this is something i honestly didn't know (i thought i was going to college?!), the campus had a few ground rules - no chappals, no shorts and no earrings on campus! Are u kidding me? Where am i and how did i get here, cause when i entered i had instantly faltered on all the rules! I was traveling for fucks sake and who the fuck (except for executives and the like) travels in suits? I need my room when i travel and that's why the shorts and the flip-flops. Ah well, within a minute i had four seniors telling to me to change into pants or something cause the principal had already heard! Can u believe it, this is within a minute of entering the gates? Welcome to the mecca of gossip and professional 'bhakhchoddi', IHM, Aurangabad.
When you are pretty convinced that you are completely in the wrong place and then out-of-the-blue someone approaches you and the first thing they ask is "were you the guy who entered wearing shorts?" with a smile on their face - that gives a hope and a half that maybe just maybe. It was that question alone that forged a friendship for life, because beyond that question i didn't even have to ask as i knew instantly that i was looking into a mirror and a rebel-without-a-cause stared back! He was black, big, bespectacled and a devil to the core. The black, bespectacled devil is still the same, just a little smaller. With time i realized that the devil is actually a quick thinking, sharp-witted and with the memory of an elephant and that is what made him the devil. More about the devil on a later date maybe, for now every time i think about this day it reminds me of how it can be classified as a re-birth or what the alcoholics term as 'A moment of CLARITY!'
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